Talk

Speaker 0 00:00:05 Greetings and welcome to thinking it through. My name is Craig Jarvis. I'm your host for this podcast. Put out by village church, East dealing with cultural topics, looking at them through the mind of Christ and today's topic is something that is going to make us all feel a little bit uncomfortable. How do you feel when somebody says to you, we have to talk, I don't know about you, but when, uh, when my wife says to me, Craig, we have to talk. I'm not sure if I get a little goosebumps and feel great about that coming up is not usually something that typically people look forward to. You know, there's a serious conversation approaching, you know, that you're going to be put in an uncomfortable position. You know, you're going to hear things that are gonna make you uncomfortable, defensive and even possibly angry, something you might've done or said has caused the other person to want to get real with you in a verbal conversation. And in that upcoming talk, you'll likely hear an accusation that will put you in a bad light. The other person is going to present some sort of a case against you, and you might feel like you need to defend yourself or your actions in some way. So my question is, why do we agree to have these kinds of conversations? They hold nothing but potential pain for us after all? Well, Speaker 1 00:01:13 The line is we agreed to have these conversations because somebody, we love needs to share something difficult that we need to hear when we talk because of the potential for avoiding the issues is likely only going to make further damage. And in the end, we might stand a chance of clearing things up, maybe some misunderstanding that has taken place, maybe something that we have done, that we need to apologize for it. So we're willing to talk. We're willing to risk. The relationship is paramount after all. Even if that conversation that talk is going to be painful. Now, no one I know sits an anticipation of those. We have to talk moments and sometimes in our effort to avoid these uncomfortable conversations, we also often create a list of topics. We are just not willing to have. If we talk about that subject, we're afraid we're going to open a can of worms. Speaker 1 00:02:00 Now, I don't know where that came from, and it sounds really disgusting, but whatever that phrase means, you know, you don't want any part of it. So, so we avoid the talks out of self-preservation who wants to open a can of worms. Maybe those talks won't be received. Well, maybe that talk will hurt the other person. This and this is nothing new. I remember reading a CNN article when Trump was elected president on how to be a Trump supporter. When you go home for Thanksgiving, how to talk to your, your, your family. If they're not Trump supporters, that was only five years ago. We have progressed incredibly since receiving those CNN talking points. Now our culture is being formed around a new value. If you want to keep a relationship going, don't even bring up difficult topics. We've gone from how to talk with somebody. Speaker 1 00:02:47 You love about controversial topics to how to avoid controversial topics. Altogether. Those who are afraid to speak are fearful. That there'll be damaging relationships beyond what can be repaired. And if they share their true feelings on an, there might be a lack of empathy and understanding. So like two warring countries, holding peace stocks who finally find themselves, come to an impasse talk simply shuts down. Do you remember when there were only two, the subjects on the plate of things that shall not be discussed? Do you remember what those two topics there when I grew up, but it was always don't talk religion and don't talk politics. Those two things. Now the growing list of subjects only has increased for what you're allowed to talk about at Thanksgiving. You're welcome to come and get a plate of Turkey and dressing, but now you also have to take a plate of volatile issues. Speaker 1 00:03:34 You simply cannot be discussing at this table, used to be religion and politics. Now is race relations, gender identity, certain people in politics. Thoughts about cultural issues. Thoughts about the police thoughts about Dr. Seuss. I mean, we're, we're piling these plates full of topics that we simply don't want to talk about. So here's a question. How do we keep talking? Should you just be on honest and blurt out your thoughts and simply let the chips fall where they may Salman Rushdie, who is the author of this stage tannic versus which you may or may not know about Simon rusty said without the freedom to offend freedom of expression does not exist. Do followers of Jesus want to agree with Saulman rusty or sure. We go in another direction. Maybe we should regulate what we're allowed to talk about. Pew research did a poll in 2015, showing a growing consensus for people willing to give up free speech for regulation on their speech. Speaker 1 00:04:29 40% of American millennials, that's 18 to 34 said the government should prevent people from saying offensive statements. There should be government regulation, almost like we're in introducing Waldemar with our, with our ventures into certain conversations. He who shall not be named. Yes, I know Harry Potter just a little bit. We've gone from he who shall not be named to topics, which shall not be addressed while that might make us more comfortable. But then the question is who regulates, who regulates our talk? We like to think it's people who are looking out for us, but anyway, in reality, it's likely whoever's most powerful. Tech giants have made a practice now to regulate speech online. After the 2020 election, this became very obvious that kind of regulation will only build resentment. After all 58% of Americans believe the political climate today prevents them from saying things that they believe. Speaker 1 00:05:21 Can you believe that? And if speed should be regulated, who should have the power to do it, should your workplace regulate speech? Should your campus regulate speech? Should your business, your private business regulates or should the government regulate speech? Who do you give the keys to? Who do you trust? Because once you give the keys away, they're very difficult to take back. And who knows what of speech gets regulated next? Here's an encouraging statistic. The Cato Institute did a study and found that nearly three fourths of Americans believe that political correctness has done more to silence, important discussions that our society needs to have speech rights. Elation can easily go in a direction. We do not intend. It could be a slippery slope leading to things that we cannot foresee. You might not like what is being said, but when you take away that, right, your topic, your cause could be next. Speaker 1 00:06:18 Here's a thought maybe there are more options. Maybe the problem is not with the topics. Maybe the issue, as we simply don't know how to talk about difficult issues with each other and Ephesians four 25, it says, therefore, putting away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor. For we are all members of one another, the way we don't want to apply. This is see, we should always speak the truth. Even if it's offensive. Well, they may not like me for it, but I have to be truthful. That is not what this verse is. If you think that is, you should read just 10 verses earlier in Ephesians four 15, where it says, rather speaking the truth in love, we had to grow up into, in every way into him, who is the head, even into Jesus. We speak the truth in love, not speak the truth and offend as many as we can. Speaker 1 00:07:11 I believe we're seeing a ploy of the evil one in our culture on this one, no longer to get people to talk so that love can be communicated in disagreements. Now just setting up a world where you can no longer discuss certain issues at all, because they own the great Thanksgiving plate of volatility. The problem is no relationship can grow. Without communication. We have to talk is the foundation of a relationship that is growing healthy. Every marriage conference we'll deal with different topics, but everyone will always have a track on communication without open and honest communication, you will never grow in your relationship. Every psychologist will tell you keep the lines of communication open, but in this culture today, we're not keeping those lines open. In fact, we might be intentionally or unintended, absolutely shutting them down. So really help us to learn how to talk to one another. Speaker 1 00:08:05 Our challenge is to understand the words we use can be received in painful ways that we're not consciously aware of. We need to be aware that our speech is a volatile issue in this generation, and we need to train ourselves to be cautious with that words we'll use. This is how we redeem our talk and still allow for talking to take place. Consideration is the key speaking. The truth in love involves conversations grounded in empathy, toward other groups. For years, the minorities in our culture have not been able to have a platform to speak. So be careful how you speak and be careful how you listen. Being a good neighbor is being a good listener and a good communicator. It's just showing empathy. It's being loving Jesus afflicted empathy in every group he encountered, even toward those, he constantly called out at times, be aware of not your need to be heard, but the need of others to be heard as well and veer away from complete extremes. Speaker 1 00:09:02 Listen, we are not two pieces of bread. One side of the bread is I have to be completely honest and let the chips fall where they may. That's not right. And the other side is I have to be who you want me to be and never share my own thoughts. That's not right either. The fact is most of the time, people already have a perception of what you're going to say. You don't need to be brutally honest because they expect that if being completely honest is your struggle. Just think empathy telling people where you think they've messed up is not honesty. It's pride, loving conversations, never begin with you just have to adjust to my blatant honesty, trying to tell people where they're wrong without an empathetic heart can come across as insensitive being sensitive as not being dishonest with yourself. Just remember, you never know how much emotion is attached to that viewpoint. Speaker 1 00:09:54 Being shared with you be empathetic. We always hear these fateful words. We always will hear them. We need to talk. Hopefully we never stop hearing those words because what that means is somebody is willing to share their thoughts with you. Even though it might be a difficult talk to have, may we never get to the place where we avoid talking or listening, don't buy the lie that I'm not allowed to speak about anything on this topic because I will risk too much. Instead see an opportunity. This is the world God has put us in so that we can mirror his love to others. We must learn how to speak to this generation, or we will not be able to share the gospel. There's a verse in the Bible that says, how shall they hear unless somebody is sent. We are that someone. So the big question is how, how do we speak to one another with love, with empathy. Speaker 1 00:10:42 Here's six ways. Number one, take a moment to be real, learn to appreciate the world in which God has placed us. If we're just needing to be changed, to communicate more lovingly than change the words don't change the message. Just change the messaging. Don't change the product. Just change the packaging. If a person is offended, by the way we speak, we might need to change the way we speak. I just spoke to a person this past week and had a difficult conversation with them. I love this person. I love their friendship. I love their heart for Jesus, but I needed to have a, Hey, we need to talk conversation. So I chose my words wisely. Why don't we make the same effort for people? We don't know. Number two, listen. More than you speak. There's a reason you have two ears and one mouth listen more than you speak. Speaker 1 00:11:26 Sometimes when we talk, we're so sure of our own viewpoint, we don't really listen. We actually just wait while the other person is jabbering away to formulate our next thought. Listening is a godly thing, James one 19 says no, this my beloved brothers, let every person be listened to quick, to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God. Be quick to hear, slow to speak. Number three, look at the issues from the other person's perspective. This is very difficult because we are very single-minded at times. But listen, every person is valuable and in the eyes of Jesus Christ, this might require us. If the conversation gets to, he needed to take a break, do it. You can always pick the conversation up later. Sometimes it's easier to pick up the conversation than the wreckage we create trying to jam through our own ideas through the goalposts. Speaker 1 00:12:20 Remember, we're trying to keep lines of communication open, not shut them down. Even further for be willing to change. Maybe the old way is not the right way, any longer, not like ripped jeans that apparently never go away. Had the eighties ripped jeans that are making a comeback today. Maybe we need to adapt to the people around us. Change our communication methods in an but stick with an unchanging truth. Now listen, on some things we cannot bend. So we must be willing to agree to disagree, but we always love, even if there's disagreement and number five, be fair and honest. You might expect somebody to understand your point of view. That means you must hold the same expectations for yourself. Number six, this is the last one. Remember the goal of every conversation is not to change people. It's to show Jesus to a changing culture, go into all the world and preach the gospel is what our savior said. Speaker 1 00:13:16 The gospel never changes, but the way we speak always does. We may not like what, the ways that we have to adjust, but there's more at stake here than we can possibly imagine. Listen, in preparation for this talk today, you should know I wanted to do due diligence to practice what I preach. So I spoke to a fuse wise, young people who helped me understand how to present this topic in a way that may not seem too one-sided or offensive. These folks were younger than me and helped me more than they know. And hopefully I heated their voice well enough to communicate the truth of this topic in love. Remember the goal in all of this is not to be right. Our goal is to be godly. I want to give the one verse that you should memorize. If you don't know it's in Colossians four, verse five, it says, walk in wisdom toward outsiders, making the best use of the time. Speaker 1 00:14:03 Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt so that you may know how you ought to answer each person. Isn't that a great verse. Walk in wisdom toward outsiders. Those are people that are not in our circle groups in our, in our spheres of influence, walk in wisdom toward outsiders, making the best use of the time, the time in which we live right now, let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt so that you may know how you ought to answer each person. The major question is how do I speak about sensitive topics in a way that communicates love the issues will always change. The method may even change, but the heart toward the people that you are speaking with should never change. Remember speak the truth in love. This is the way we grow up to do things like Jesus would. If you want to speak the truth, do it in love. Well, this one was a challenge for me to do, but I have learned a lot in this and I'm grateful that you have been willing to listen and take the journey with me. I've learned a lot and hopefully I've communicated this. Talk into you in a way that communicates my love for you Speaker 0 00:15:10 And my love for Jesus Christ. Listen, if you want to know more about us, you can check us out online at village church, east.org and listen. Make sure even if they don't love what you say, they should be certain that you love them. I hope that you'll join me next time. As we spend more time together thinking it through and a privilege being with you today.